Omagaw im lyke so totally having issues right now. Ok like I so totally hate dudes and I cant get over it! Like they’re so boring, theyre so NOT understating, and more over, they’re so totally boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like im so sick of feeling like I have to cater to their every need, and change myself like when I get into a relationship or whatever because if there’s something that I hate more that boys its girls in relationships! Is it not the ugliest thing ever?! ( omg im like looking out my window right now and the fire alarm across the street is going off… oof totally now what I need right now. Oh and its windy and blowing stuff around so beautiful/angsty/UGH GR8.) ok but really like come on so its like girls are always like omg omg omg omg I want a boyfriend. I want to be loved. I want to have someone to hold on to. I want to show everyone else that I have a boyfriend that loves me and that I can walk down tha street with. But then they get into a relationship and its like they turn into ballerinas immediately. (except aesthetic ballerinas are totally independent and beautiful) its like they’re constantly on their toes and our best friends disappear because they’re with their stupid boyfriends, and suddenly they need “Girl Nights’ to vent about their boyfriends. Its like I so don’t understand why they stay with them if they can’t stand them! Ok like duh this is like maybe half of hetero relationships, but im so totally and rightfully reacting to a living stereotype! Its amazing like sooooooooooooo00000000000ooooooooo amazing to me how people can get warped so fast! Its like one second we’re talking about how we don’t need anything or anybody except for ourselves and each other (ok one side, don’t you totally hate how each other isn’t one word? Eachother ← gets me every time!) and the next you find some dude who like loves your favorite band and he like ‘ooooh soooo gets you and you both loooooove dawn of the dead’ and ‘his bird is sooooooo cute I looooove birds’ and then its like wait, whatever we just talked about about being independent remember that? Remember being fun and gross as girls?!
UGH LYNDA OK what I also hate so much is like how girls can’t be gross in from of guys? Like ok I have a booger in my nose I’m gonna get it out. Just like you would. Don’t fucking try and tell me that its gross because yew do tha same thing. Yew pick your nose and fart and scratch your butt and your stomach and dig wax out of you nose, and it so cool, but wtf is that?! Femininity is a social construct so like let me be a human right?! Like when did guy things become guy things? Why can’t I do all of those macho things, not as a protest, or a sort or stance against males, but for my own human rights?! Like im pretty sure that both male and female chimps take care of themselves in similar ways, and we’re only a step off so like I have waxy ears, and I need to hear what your saying NOW, so lemme just pick it out GOD.
Ok so also, like sometimes I just want to exist as a tv character where nobody can touch me, because I’m pure static. And by “sometimes I want to exist as” I really mean sometimes I feel like a… because I am so overwhelmed by everything everyday. I mean like specifically between the spectacle and the male gaze it is impossible to not think of everything as totally terrible. Ok so like we have this undying relationship with this media that we have created for ourselves, and its totally inescapable. We are sooooo0oo totally consumed by the images, films, and commercials that we have made for ourselves that we have developed this soul sucking relationship to everything that is around us. I mean I’m gonna admit it, I hate my body so much because I don’t look exactly like Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. I watched that for the first time when I was 5 years old and was like omg I cant wait to look like that when I’m in high school! And then when I didn’t look like that I was like alright fuck that, I’ve been waiting to look like this for eleven years, so i’m gonna do something about it, so that’s when the severe dieting started. ANYWAY. WHATEVER. Like that relationship was totally having to do with that movie, and watching MTV, and looking at these specifically generated images that were being like ‘hay I’m a regular whatever 16 year old and I look like this’ so I was like hay, im supposedly that old, why tha fuck don’t I look like that? And only now am I realizing like oh hay, its all about the male gaze and all about guys being like ‘Hey baby I want my women to look like this, and I like to look at this when I sit down at night and watch tv, and when I walk outside, I want to see this, and yew know what? I can say this bacuz historically I have won everything and made all the money, and women have historically provided for me, so I have a right to look at what I want to see and that’s something sexy. Yeeeaaaah.”
As badly as I wanna say ok for sentence purposes that so totally totally totally totally totally totally disgusting! Im sickened by that every day because its like im seeing these commercials of women being like ‘look like this, be happy’ and 23 year olds portraying 15 year olds being like ‘im acting im lying im idealized’, but at the end of the day is it all not for men?!?!?!?! Are we not looking at over-sexualized women geared towards men? Are we not then trying to turn around and transform our own natural bodies into something geared towards them?!?! UUUUUUGGGHH NO!!!!!!!!!!!
There are a bazillion things that I need to be thinking about and I hate hate h8 h8 h8 hate that I am consumed by body image issues every day. I hate that panic attacks are often fueled by the fact that I consistently feel that I don’t belong in my body and I can’t figure out WHY.
But Lynda, yew yew YEW have to understand where im coming from right? (right now we’re watching OMD’s souvenir video on a shitty tv in my room on repeat). Like ok I so appreciate your paintings and your sculptures. But I’m not sure how I feel about the need to take a passive aggressive stab on minimalism. If I were yew at this point in time I would throw that latex paint on the audience… maybe a little homicidal but whoops, this is hypothetical or whatever. I would have covered every man and been like THIS IS HOW I WANT YEW DO YEW LIKE IT DOES IT HURT?! DO YEW LIKE IT DOES IT HURT!? But then again, knowing them they would have been like “ yeah I love it, but (hypothetically) it does hurt and I can’t breathe get this off of me why do you want to see me like this I don’t get it” and then I would have been like “ ya, duh, that’s what yew do to me/maybe us every day second hour millisecond you’re killing me. Literally suffocating me. I cant breathe. Like “Hay, wanna go get some pizza so I can pretend that I’m one of those cool girls that eats this shit and doesn’t think about it or narf it out later, and hay boy lets hold hands and sugarcoat the world because you’re the best, all I need is you bla bla bla.” RIGHT!? Like yew and Robert Morris were so totally on point with your ad and his poster. Yew with the dildo, and him in the chains and army helmet. Look at the reactions that came flying at yew from WOMEN. Everybody reacted towards your ad, but not to his. Does that not totally emphasize your point the diminishing the necessity to take sides on gender? Everybody freaks out on a woman being provocative because yew are erasing a feminine line, and making a link between genders, while Morris is essentially doing the same thing by making himself more feminine in a sense. Like come on I think we all need to be way more aggressive. Like if we have problems or concerns why hide them? To make others more comfortable/yourself more approachable? fuck that, fuck them, fuck it.
I just want girls to be on our side you know? like AT LEAST give us a winning team! Like I so totally loved your ad in art forum with the double sided dildo. I got it. It was confident. Whoever said that it was a gimmick or an act was a liar. I believe in yew. I wish that there was like a global girl coalition. Like a GGC. Wanna start it? It could be great. We’ll protect each other instead of clawing each other in the back. (this is like all hypothetical apparently, because there is SOOO much reform that’d hafta happen first). Like I wish that we could all just live in the Womanhouse together and that was a real real environment, like the real real Peter Pan.
Maybe that’s how this can pan out. Just like in Hook featuring Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman, we just need huge massive attack on our individual selves to act as a collective. Like in the movie, we’ll go back to Neverland (the real one not the ranch) and start to believe. Maybe we’ll believe again, and maybe some of us will believe for the first time. But we as women will come out as a unit. One that doesn’t need a man, or boyfriend to feel secure. One that has completely released itself from the spectacle, and the male gaze. One that can be totally self sufficient in ourselves, but can also break down the “rules, codes, and constructs” of gender and gender roles in society. This is basically a feminist utopia we should try and get together.

xoxo Lauren Panichelli 2010 xoxo

Rynow, it's easiest to get things together when
i talk to people who have gotten similar things
together.  I could call them pseudo-peers, but that seems sarcastic, so we'll call them "Peers" soo0o0o0o,